apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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