I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
