If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
