when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
