yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
