Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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