My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
