3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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