I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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