I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
