having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
