i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
