ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
