I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
