last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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