It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
