I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
