i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
