His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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