Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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