I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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