WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
