Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
