I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
