i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
