sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
