you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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