wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
