So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
