If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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