So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
