see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
