I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
