theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
