Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
