Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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