I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
