that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
