On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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