this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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