I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need to calm my uterus...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
