Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
