ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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