You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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