You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
