i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
