Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
