How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
