i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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