We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
