just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
