What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Houston, we have a squirter
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
