If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
