I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
