So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
