you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
