You made me cry and you don't even care
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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